I have recently put a name to a problem that has plagued me for a while. . . I'm not sure whether this has been an issue all of my life, but it's definitely an issue now and it has reared it's head for years.
I fear failure, or what to me feels like failure. I fear imperfection. Now don't get me wrong. I know that I'm not perfect. But when I am doing something or making something my subconscious goal is to do it as perfectly as possible. When I sense or feel that it's not going to be perfect I start to freeze up. I fear that I will be dissatisfied with the outcome. Ultimately I just stop.
This is despite any comments or praise or affirmation I receive from others. It's an internal thing.
I put the project down or away, or even frog it, even if it's almost done because the outcome may not be perfect.
Sad isn't it.
Of 5 of the things that you see posted here there's at least 1 or 2 that I make but don't post because they don't meet up to standard.
It's refreshing to find this out about myself. It explains why some things I cannot seem to complete. I see now why I start some things and never finish them.
I want this part of me to change. I know that it will take time and prayer and tears and stepping out because it took time and lack of prayer and hiding my fear to be this way.
Bear with me ya'll.
3 comments:
girl..we love u no matter what!!!!! it's always refresshing when u find somehtin out that has been bothering u
i really enjoy seeing yr stuff, yr the only one who sees yr faults, i think everything looks great!
Your stuff always looks awesome! Wish i had half your talent! Im right there with you though.. I only post what Im happy with.. Ive ripped so many things apart or set them aside..will be Praying for you :)
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